How to be Drunk By Ryan O’Connell
truuuue:
Everything always seems so promising during the walk from your apartment to the first bar, doesn’t it? No one has gotten too drunk yet, avoided your texts or started a fight. For a moment, the night feels full of possibilities and that’s what keeps you drinking and moving. The possibility that you could meet someone great, attend an amazing gathering or even just get laid is more powerful than any mistake you could potentially make or any hangover you could endure. It’s what compels you to poison your body with foul tasting-liquid, act like a slightly retarded person for a few hours and maybe ingest 1,000 calories before bed.
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Feel your body start to get heavy and begin to move without an ounce of grace. Experience the following emotions: Happy. Annoyed. Happy. Drunk. Hungry. Horny. Happy.
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Spot a 24-hour deli and and hang up the phone. Stumble in and order baked ziti. Yes. Baked ziti. That’s a great idea! Take it home with you. Slam your door closed. Undress quickly as if you’re suddenly allergic to your clothes. Wolf down your food while checking Facebook.
……… sorry for partying!!! 
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